Mumbai taxi: 10 tips to make you a smarter passenger

You may have traveled to the wildest amusement parks the world over -- Dreamworld, Disneyland, Six Flags Great Adventure -- and ridden the craziest roller coasters on earth. You may have bungee jumped off a cliff and gone skydiving without professional assistance.
You may have even watched a pregnant Celine Dion live in concert. But. Nothing trips your heart quite like a ride in a good old Fiat Mumbai taxi cab.

• CNNGo video: Front row seat in a Mumbai taxi

Now let me tell you, finding a cab in Mumbai is no sweat. It's only once you get inside that you may break into one. It's humid as a swamp and there is no air-conditioning.
The Fiat taxis are, to put it mildly, vintage. But not in a good way.
Doors rattle. Windows rattle. The steering wheel rattles. And thanks to the absence of seat belts and the innumerable potholes on the streets, soon you will too.
Thankfully, these days new taxi models ply the streets that are more comfortable, have digital meters and handle the roads far more effectively.

We also have air-conditioned or cool cab services like Meru and Mega Cabs on call that make life a whole lot easier.

I do, however, recommend an experiential ride in an old Fiat Mumbai taxi. You can be surprised in many different ways, and not unpleasantly. 

Just keep these 10 things in mind 

1. Be mentally prepared for non-uniform interior decoration. Some cabbies pimp out their interiors with themes that could give bars in Bangkok some stiff competition. Faux fur upholstery, neon blue or blinking lights, bucket seats, plastic flowers, mirrored ceilings -- you never know what you may encounter.
2. Sensory overload. The more religious drivers have mini shrines with fresh flower garlands and light up multiple incense sticks at will. About three to four sticks at a go, in a semi-enclosed space.
Some will talk endlessly, even though you may not follow a word. Others will blast the latest Bollywood songs at you.
3. Fare rules. Ensure the meter is reset before you begin your ride. Old meters start at 1 and correspond to a fare chart that needs to be requested. Digital meters start at Rs 16 and Rs 20 post midnight.

Download the Meter Down iPhone app, which updates automatically when fare rates change.

If you’re at the airport, it’s wiser to get a pre-paid taxi to your destination than hiring a metered cab and you don’t have to tip drivers unless you really want to.
4. Figure out landmarks around where you have to go. Most cab drivers don't respond to numbered addresses. They don’t read maps. Just the harrowed faces of tourists trying to get from one point to another.
They don’t speak much or any English, but will recognize landmarks like Bandra Bandstand, Taj Mahal Hotel (specify Bandra or Colaba) or Metro Cinema, for instance.  
5. If they're driving doesn't mean they know where they're going. Some cabbies will drive endlessly in the wrong direction without a word till you, hapless passenger, realize you're lost.
In these times they often claim you failed to state a clear destination. So if you're going to shout let it be the name of the destination, instead of "Then where the hell did you think you were you going?"
6. Akimbo limbs. While some hang one arm out the window and cruise along like they’re driving a Maserati, if a cab driver occasionally sticks his hand out of the cab he’s usually only signaling to turn. His indicators are probably busted.
7. Doors can open while vehicle is in motion. During a journey, if a cab driver opens his door, don’t worry, he isn’t escaping, he’s just leaning out to spit out tobacco remnants from his mouth.

8. No smoking, but go ahead. You can still get away with lighting up in a Mumbai taxi, though the putting up of 'No Smoking' stickers was made mandatory for all transport vehicles in August 2010. You can also inhale exhaust fumes and pollution at the same time.

9. Abuse and aggression. Honking isn’t frowned upon, in fact, it’s considered to be a form of relief from road rage in the city, especially around crowded streets near schools and hospitals. Your driver also must cuss at other drivers if they cut into his lane. Your driver might even cuss at other drivers when cutting into their lane.
10. How to interpret the pinky raise. If your driver stops the cab halfway, smiles and raises his littlest finger, he isn’t hitting on you, he just needs to use the restroom.