Entering the kitchen, the contestants see a series of large pots. As they wonder what could be in them, George asks how many of them have seen the film Seven.
Shock reverberates as it is revealed that Ellie is sick, meaning she will go straight to the pressure test, as reflected in the "punish the weak and ill" section of the MasterChef rules.
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Peter ... thoroughly enjoying the Korean challenge on Sunday night's episode of MasterChef. Gary reveals there are THREE core ingredients: beef, pork and mackerel. He says this in a way that suggests he finds meats a lot more interesting than most of us. The contestants will cook whatever ingredient is in the mysterious portal to another dimension sitting on their bench. Gary then explains that cooking well will result in good things, and cooking badly will result in bad things.
Matt Preston tells them the guest judge has a restaurant in Manhattan, and Mat pulls a face that suggests he is having a stroke, but apparently it was just a look of recognition. Mat knows who David Chang is because he is a big fan of Korean food, and because he looked him up on Wikipedia.
Chang enters and creates a sensation by declaring that Korean food is about "bold flavours", thus showing that Korean food is like everything else.
The contestants take off their lids. Dani is happy she has pork and some juvenile audience members giggle. Michael states that cooking with mackerel "should be fun", in the tone of voice one might use to say that their mother's funeral "will raise the roof". Girly-swot Mat raises his hand as the only contestant to have cooked with Korean ingredients, even though actually all he’s done is play the cooking simulator on iKorean.
As everyone prepares, Michael makes the mistake of tasting a few things. An hour later he has eaten all his ingredients and is writhing on the floor.
Dani decides to experiment because that always works, while Adam expresses a certain level of defeatism, never having cooked Korean food, eaten Korean food, or watched MASH. The viewer is then invited to consider their reaction to the news House is dying, and we mull that over for a few minutes.
Back at the kitchen, there is still a motorbike outside and I still don’t know why. Dani and Adam work well together explaining the rules. Peter announces "I've got beef", and nobody argues. He is going to make sushi, which is probably Japanese, but maybe it's Korean too. Or maybe Peter enjoys racial stereotyping.
Gary, George and David gather to look into a bucket, and David says some Korean words that frankly are just filler.
Hayden says he has taken in the lessons David imparted, and he knows instantly what he's going to run with – a large knife. After a brief visit from the medic, we move on to Dani, who expresses her deep desire to make something with American roots, but also elements of incompetence and desperation.
Mat makes his marinade – apparently there is an app for that – and Michael is going to prepare the fish two ways – burnt and disgusting. Adam freaks everyone out by rambling about how much he enjoys removing skin.
George then says, "Holy mackerel, who's got themselves in a pickle?" Several days later his body is recovered from Warragamba Dam, this sentence forming the defence case for his killers.
David explains more about Korean things to George and Gary, and all are struck by how learning about other cultures is far less interesting that you might think. Back at the cooking benches, Mat confesses he is making carpaccio, which is not Korean, but he plans to make it Korean. Possibly by garnishing it with a small nuclear arsenal. David and Gary approach and Mat tells them he is bastardising the carpaccio, in much the same way as he has bastardised his own head.
With fifteen minutes to go, Dani is still working on her rice cakes, and her pork patties, and her ability to pronounce the letter "e". Meanwhile, David and George approach Adam, who "tries to look as Korean as possible" by adorning himself with decorative pieces of steamed cabbage. David gives Adam some advice, which Adam ignores because he is an individualistic, bold, maverick chef, or to use the technical term, "stupid".
Dani puts tomato sauce on her burgers and tries to make it taste like it's from Korea, by spelling out the word "Kim" on the bun. Michael worries his fish is too pink – not a euphemism – and looks so sad I attempt to pass tissues through the TV screen.
Meanwhile, Sun, Craig and Kate are also present, but not for long because the building explodes. We get a tantalising glimpse of the myriad uses of the Telstra T-Hub, and scream "More, we must know more!" as we return to the kitchen.
"After cooking so brilliantly, we'll now discover how badly you cooked," announces Gary. He then reiterates the rules for those who just arrived, although Mat misses them because he is playing Angry Birds under his bench.
Up first is Peter, whose dish is full of flavour, which in some ways is important, in food. The judges are happy with Peter's food, although they remain irritated by his face.
Next up is Danielle, who has cooked a flying monkey – I mean a beef dish, which she warns have quite a lot of salt in it. She expresses a hope that Gary will not die of salt poisoning, which is sweet of her, and Gary tastes the dish, which causes him the kind of full-body spasm that rarely represents "good news".
Next up is Dani with her Korean rice burger whatchamacallit. David Chang laughs heartily and congratulates Dani on a nice-tasting dish despite having no idea what was going on. After Dani, Michael comes up, tears in his eyes, and spreads vicious rumours about his fish. Worried that he has overcooked it, his fears are stoked as George cuts into the fish and begins counting rings. We are kept in suspense though, in order for us to be sold on the benefits of a holiday amongst the peas. Returning, George asks Michael to taste the fish first, clearly not trusting him. George is disappointed with the dish, as the judges had "high expectations" of Michael, which comes as something of a bombshell to all.
Next is Happy Hayden, who has cooked brown things in a brown sauce in a brown bowl. David says he "didn't see this coming" from Hayden – pay attention David! Preston and Hayden flirt with their eyes a little, before the dish is declared a triumph.
Next is Alana, who confides her deepest secret – she is most worried about whether she has cooked well, and not so worried about all the other issues surrounding MasterChef. As Gary eats, Alana begins to back away, not knowing when the small landmine she has secreted in the bowl will be set off.
Now Preston asks Adam whether David gave him advice, and the audience cries, "Don't answer Adam! It's a trap!"
And so we move on to Mat, who has made marinated beef with carpaccio, snails and hot dogs. David congratulates him on a tasty dish, saying he "loves texture" in food: he hates food with no surface. Excited, Mat DMs all his friends to share his joy.
And now it is time for Judgment, as the judges reward the righteous and punish the wicked. First of all, Dani is in the top three, causing the scientific establishment to re-examine the laws of physics. Next is Happy Hayden, who is pretty happy. And last of all – Peter! Everyone applauds and Mat stares at him with undisguised loathing, resolving to take his revenge with some extremely insulting tweets later that night.
David then announces the overall winner is a massive fire. Or to put it another way, Hayden.
Now for crunch-time – the moment when we discover who stuffed up the most, a much more exciting category given the greater level of competition. Forward come Danielle, who put in too much salt; Michael, who spent most of the challenge in the fetal position; and Adam, who has still not proven to the judges' satisfaction that he is on the show. They will of course be joined by Ellie, whose wilful decision to get sick was indeed a disgrace.
Danielle keeps positive, saying this is her chance to show the judges what she can do. Or maybe that's negative, I'm not sure.
In a sneak peek of tomorrow's episode we see that George's mum will be entering the kitchen, leading to widespread cries of "IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT!" Also Danielle will cry, so probably her dish won't be very good.
Then it’s Sexy Cop Time!
Ben’s book Superchef – A Parody is out now, published by Allen and Unwin
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