Regrets? We've all had a few

Are women more prone to relationship regret than men? Photo: Louie Douvis

Ah yes. The one that got away.
When it comes to life, what is your biggest regret?
Taking that job? Moving to that city? Buying that house? Not using a condom that time in San Diego?

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According to a new American study, we regret relationship decisions more than anything else.
But did we really need a study to tell us that?
Probably not. Not when you consider the extent to which our lives are built around those of others. Not when you consider how much emphasis we place on the opinions of others. When you consider the extent to which our relationships with family, friends, lovers – heck, even strangers on the street – influences the way we behave, and the way we grow, and develop.
"Humans are social creatures", we’re told, "self-worth is relevant to the judgement of others; lone-wolves die lonely; you can’t make it alone; it takes two" - and any other cliché you care to mention.
Proud little individuals though we may be, we can't seem to shake the need for love, for social approval, or for the 'right' romantic relationship.
Does it surprise you that the study found women more subject to regret than men?
Forty-four per cent of women's regrets were related to relationships, compared to 19 per cent for men.
Don't make the mistake of thinking this is simply romance, though. This is all kinds of relationships.
Relationships with mothers, fathers, sisters. Relationships with children, colleagues at work, with incorrigible second-cousins, or family friends. These are connections about which it seems more women have regrets.
Does that ring true for you? 
Psychologists say (though you mightn’t need expert insight on this) this may be because women are charged with the responsibility of maintaining relationships. Whether culturally expected or self-inflicted, or both (chicken, egg), it goes that ladies are making more social decisions, therefore have more social regrets.
Aww, poor ladies. Being all nurturing and worrying and over-analytical and whatnot.
Sigh.
Findings from studies like this bother me for many reasons, including how they can be used to reinforce negative stereotypes (straight and gendered stereotypes for example). I mean, are women really more prone to relationship regret than men? Do men not care about the decisions they make concerning others in their lives? I don’t believe so. Are women less able than men to deal with the consequences of their decisions than men? Of course not.
But today, I'm not nearly as much interested in this study, or what it may or may not say about contemporary culture, as I am in your own views and opinions.
Today, I am more interested in the nature of regret. Today, I want to know about yours.
Are there relationship decisions you’ve made that you regret? What are they, and why do you regret them?
I’m helping my grandfather settle into retirement a year after he lost his wife - my nan - to cancer. I regret that I didn’t spend more time with her, learning, yarning, growing, loving. I don’t want to make the same mistake again.
I have romantic regrets too. I regret not kissing that boy, or not going on that holiday, or not waiting that little bit longer…
And while it would be easy to dismiss these regrets as lessons, and there are days when I really believe this, there are also those moments when I can’t help but wonder, what if?


Read more: http://www.theage.com.au/lifestyle/lifematters/blogs/citykat/regrets-weve-all-had-a-few-20110705-1h0fg.html#ixzz1RJMevKTS