Self-respect is empowering

The great thinkers and leaders were right — in the end, you are always on your own. No matter what you do and the kind of support that you have, it is always an individual’s effort that can see him through the darkest of times.
Family and friends can only act as pillars of support to egg you on. This is one of the foremost reasons why self-respect and self-esteem are so important. Yes, they are intangible, the roles they play can’t be measured or
quantified. Like Whitney Grisworld put it, “Self-respect cannot be hunted. It cannot be purchased. It is never for sale. It cannot be fabricated out of public relations. It comes to us when we are alone, in quiet moments, in quiet places, when we suddenly realise that, knowing the good, we have done it; knowing the beautiful, we have served it; knowing the truth, we have spoken it.”
Another thing about self-respect is that it helps inculcate qualities that are very healing for the soul, for instance being honest and true to yourself will only allow you to have a cleaner conscience. This will help to fuel your self-belief further.
One of the interesting things about self-respect and self-belief is that to acquire it, one can use various methods but what works for you may not necessarily work for another person. Like, for example, those with a charitable bent of mind find solace and happiness in doing charity — even if it’s something as simple as volunteering for a pet adoption drive. And then there are others who find that their self-worth increases when they see their labour bear fruit in the garden.
It is up to each individual to find that one thing that makes a huge difference in his or her life, and then work on perfecting that using this skill or activity wisely.
We each have a set of values and beliefs that we follow, some of these are handed down from generations and instilled since childhood and the rest are what we have acquired through experience. Often we find ourselves criticising and finding fault with others because we think they are ‘wrong’, however it is important to realise even here that what works for you doesn’t necessarily work for someone else. Self-respect also means acting upon and upholding your values and beliefs.
So how does one know what to do and what to refrain from? All this is the direct result of experience, one never knows what they are capable of until they try and give things their 100 per cent. There are a lot of notions and stereotypes that have been forced into our heads by society and sometimes we end up believing in these unless proven otherwise. That is why it is always said that experience makes a person richer and wiser. Only when you truly experience something you are able to use it to enrich your life and that of those around you, this is also a way of eliminating regret — with each experience your ‘I should have…’ list begins to decrease.
Self-respect means something that comes from your power, not your weakness. After every experience, stop to think what you have gained from it and how this has made you a better person, at the same time learn to accept your mistakes with grace, this doesn’t mean you need to blame yourself if something goes wrong but it means that you need to look at the positive side of things and look at every experience as a stepping stone.
Another mistake that we often make is to be in the company of people who do no good to our self-belief, it might be difficult to snap off ties in an instant but what one can do in these situations is adopt a very detached approach to things and don’t let another person’s thoughts and feelings influence you negatively.
Take a look at this: A woman was married to a man who constantly criticised many of her actions. She became so focused on his feelings that she never asked herself during all the years they were together how she felt about the way he treated her. She was always trying hard to please him, trying to anticipate his moods and whims in order to avoid his criticism. Yet everything she tried ended with him being angry or irritated at her. She began to feel she had failed or was in some way a bad person. She spent so many hours analysing his feelings that she lost touch with her own.
Many of us try to do things to please others but in the end we often end up hurting ourselves. Pause for a minute to think about this and analyse if the baggage that you’re carrying is worth the load on your shoulders.
The writer conducts
philosophy and wellness workshops for corporates.
Source: The Asian Age