Once bitten, twice shy and all that stuff.
But hanging out with the single crowd has been eye opening to say the least – after all it has been almost two decades since I entered a bar without a ring on my finger and, oh my, it’s just a little bit desperate out there.
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I had no idea how many lonely, desperate people there are. “Meat market” is definitely an accurate description of our city’s nightlife.Perhaps I’m coming at it from an entirely different perspective, given that I’m not desperate and I'm enjoying being single. In fact I'm cherishing it - having dwelled in the hopeless bowels of coupledom for so long.
I could have been married five times over, had an affair with a married man, shacked up with a boy half my age, and juggled the affections of several males (and one female) if I was to believe all the crap that gets spoken over a glass of wine or a date for that matter.
I admit I have trust issues but I’m intrigued to hear from other new singles about how they filter out all the nonsense that seems to come along with dating or just being single.
I’m not on RSVP but does anyone take those online dating profiles seriously? And some of the lines I’ve been spun are just too mindboggling not to share.
“My girlfriend is out of town, but we have an understanding.” (Yep I bet you do… like if she finds out you’ve been cheating on her there’s an understanding she won’t be your girlfriend anymore).
“So, do you want to get out of here?” Me: “Umm, you’re married”. Him: “Yes, but you’re not.” Me: “Yes but you are.” (Would it be wrong to punch him on behalf of his wife?)
“If there are other guys on the scene, that’s kind of a deal breaker.” Me: “So are you saying you want a serious relationship and don’t want me to see any other guys?” Him: “No, I just want to have sex with you.” (Hmmm, right. Did you want to chain me to the bed while you’re at it?)
“You’re a single parent, so am I. We both have needs and not enough time. Why don’t you just come over and f*** me?” Me: “That kind of sounds like a business transaction. Amazingly, I still have some hope of romance.” (Thanks, but no thanks).
“I find you very attractive. Very interesting. I didn’t think beyond that. I know a ‘boy’ looking to screw something isn’t acceptable for you.” Me: “Then if you don’t want to screw me and nor do you want a girlfriend… what do you want?” Him: “I have no idea.” (Great… get back to me when you have a clue.)
As someone for whom this is all new again, I enjoy being single. I love my freedom, my independence and the complete ownership of my own life this allows. Why is it so many fail to appreciate the simplicity of the single life, the beauty of doing what you want, when you want, how you want, with who you want?
So many people jump from one relationship to another so easily, so quickly, so carelessly (can these interactions even be called relationships?).
It may be that I’m fiercely protective of my children, it may be that I’m overly cautious, it may be that I have a long list of non-negotiable expectations that I seek in a partner, but I will never be in a relationship just for the sake of it.
Divorce has taught me the importance of being self-assured enough to never rely on another individual to make you happy. Be happy with who you are first, not who you’re with.
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